she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
