I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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