whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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