You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
