I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
