Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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