I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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