i barfeds in our rink
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize