Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
