I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
