You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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