I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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