you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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