i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
