i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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