If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
