Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
