i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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