"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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