CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
