I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Acid is not a monday night drug
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize