i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
