Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
