i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
