you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
