Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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