How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
