people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize