Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
