Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize