I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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