I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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