Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
