Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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