girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
