we have officially lost it.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
