She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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