so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
