Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
