she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
