It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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