she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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