You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I want a musical about memes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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