You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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