In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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