does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
