In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
