I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My vagina just recognized that song.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
