brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize