youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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