the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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