It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
