i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
