Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
