Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
