Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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