Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
