So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
