he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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