There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
