i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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