i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
