You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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