Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
