I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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